Bellringers are due the last day of each week.
1-17-17 I am... (1/2 page)
1-18-17 Phunny Stuph: Grounding
An irritated father complained to his friend that kids today have it to easy. “when I was a kid,” he said, “My parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV a telephone a computer and a CD player in his room!” “How do you handle it”? His friend asked. “I send him to my room!”
1-19-17 How do you get away? (5 sentences)
1-20-17 It was dark, and the light hurt when I stepped outside... (5 sentences)
1-23-17 Phunny Stuph: Zookeeper
A zookeeper approached three boys standing near the lions cage. He was afraid they were up to no good, so he asked them to tell him their names and what they were doing. The first boy said, my names Ryan, and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions. The second boy said, my name’s Jake, and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions. The third boy said, my name is Peanuts.
1-24-17 What does it mean to be free? (5 sentences)
1-25-17 Phunny Stuph: What are dogs good for?
A nursry school teacher wuz standing on the playground won day when a fire truck zoomed passed. A Dalmation dog sat in the front seat. The children started taking about the dogs duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back, said one Child. “No,” said another child. “He’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly. “to find the fire hydrant.”
1-26-17 How do you get away? (5 sentences)
1-27-17 It was dark, and the light hurt when I stepped outside... (5 sentences)
1-30-17 Phunny Stuph: Investment in the Future
A motorist driving by a ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the rode. The driver, went to the owner of the calf, and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “In six years, though, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.” The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. “Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s post-dated 6 years from now.”
1-31-17 Could you survive on your own? (5 sentences)
2-1-17 Phunny Stuph: Coffee Break
A mother was surprised when her seven-year-old son made her coffe one Winter morning. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom she saw 3 little green plastic army men. She asked him why they were in her coffee cup.
The little boy said, “they say on television that ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.’”
2-2-17 What does "civilized" mean? (5 sentences)
2-3-17 In order to survive, we had to... (5 sentences)
2-6-17 Are you a leader? (5 sentences)
2-7-17 Phunny Stuph: Plane Trip
Sarah had spent a week visiting her Father and Stepmother in denver. Her Father and her seven-year-old nephew went with her when she returned to denver international airport for the flight home. After checking in at the counter Sarah walked back to her relatives to tell them she was going to hafta wait an additional three hours in the airport. “How come?” asked her nephew.
“My plane has been grounded,” explained Sarah.
“Grounded?” said her nephew. “I didn’t know planes had parents.
2-8-17 Phunny Stuph: Babies
A girl in the first grade came home from school & told her mother that she had a new teacher.
“that’s nice” said her mother. “did you learn anything knew”?
“Yes,” said the little girl. “she tought us how to make babies.”
The mother was shocked. Very cautiously she asked, “how do you make babies then?”
“Its easy,” said the girl. “You just take off the ‘y’ and add ‘ies.’
2-9-10 What three items would you want in order to survive? (5 sentences)
2-10-17 CRASH! The sound was deafening... (5 sentences)
2-13-17 Phunny Stuph: Skydiver
A man goes skydiving for the first time. He jumped out of the plane, counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, & nothing happened. Not to worried yet. He pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute. However that chute doesn’t appear, either. As the man is plummeting toward the ground, he is amazed to see a woman coming up the other way.
“Do you know anything about parachutes” he shouts to her.
“no,” she answered. “Do you know anything about gas stoves?”
2-14-17 Do you hate someone? (5 sentences)
2-15-17 Phunny Stuph: The Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day and I was only in there for about five minutes but when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket so I went up to him and said, “How about giving a guy a break?” but he ignored me and continued writing the ticket, so I called him a stupid idiot and he glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him and told him he was a jerk and he started writing a third ticket, and this went on for about 20 minutes and the more names I called him, the more tickets he wrote, but I didn’t care because my car was parked around the corner.
2-16-17 How do you get people to do what you want? (5 sentences)
2-17-17 I am at peace... (5 sentences)
2-20-17 Phunny Stuph: Advice from a Cow
A mans car stalled on a country road one morning. When he got out to fix it, a cow comes along & stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back & ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man tells the farmer his story. “Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer. “Yes, yes,” the man replied. “Oh I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer. “She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”
2-21-17 Describe your perfect day. (5 sentences)
2-22-17 Phunny Stuph: Impressing the Clients
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful office & had it furnished with antiques! Sitting in his office one day, he saw a man come into the reception area. Wishing to appear busy the businessman picked up the phone & started to pretend he had a big deal working! He threw huge figures around & made giant commitments. Finally, he hangs up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?” The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone.”
2-23-17 What makes a book good? (5 sentences)
2-24-17 AHHHHH! It's a... (5 sentences)
2-27-17 Phunny Stuph: Prison Jokes
It was a man’s first day in prison. Puzzled to hear other inmates roaring with laughter every time someone called out a number. He asked his cellmate what was happening.
“We no all our jokes so well cause we have hear them all so often. To save time retelling them we have numbered them,” he answered.
The newcomer thought he would join in. He shouted, “208!” He was amazed when everyone in the prison started shaking with laughter. The cellmate wiped tears from his eyes and said, “We hadn’t heard that one before.”
2-28-17 Do you want power? (5 sentences)
3-1-17 Phunny Stuph Quiz #1
3-2-17 What would you do to others to get ahead? (5 sentences)
3-3-17 Hidden, I see my target... (5 sentences)
3-6-17 Phunny Stuph: Getting Ahead
A young man asked a old rich man how he made his money. The old man said “It was 1932, and I was down to my last nickle. I invested that nickle in a apple. I spent the entire day polishing that apple. At the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I used the ten cents too buy two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at the end of the day for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month. At the end of the month, I had earned $137.00 which was a fortune. So that’s how you got rich? the boy asked.
“Heaven’s, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s uncle died and left us five million dollars.”
3-7-17 What is greed? (5 sentences)
3-8-17 Phunny Stuph: Vice Presidency
Tom was excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and said “This is not such a big deal. Vice presidents are a dime a dozen. They even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store.” Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?” The clerk replies “Canned or frozen?”
3-9-17 Who do you trust? (5 sentences)
3-10-17 We stormed the castle... (5 sentences)
3-13-17 Phunny Stuph: Beware of Dog
Outside a little countrystore, a stranger noticed a sign saying, “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the glass door. Nervously he went inside and saw an old mutt asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“That’s right,” she replied.
The stranger chuckled. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me” he said. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
3-14-17 Have you been desperate? (5 sentences)
3-15-17 Phunny Stuph: Johnny and the Elephant
Little johnny thot his Big Sister knew everything. He went up to her and asked, “why do elephants have trunks?” “They would look silly with glove compartments,” she said.
“Well I have another queston for you,” he said..How do you tell if there is an elephant in your refrigerator?”
She didn’t hesitate, “Look for two sets of footprints side by side.” Answered his sister.
“Alright,” said Johnny. “How do you tell if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?”
“The door won’t close.”
3-16-17 Who deserves to die? (5 sentences)
3-17-17 Silently, I crept through the passage... (5 sentences)
3-20-17 Phunny Stuph: Elephant Protection
A old man in france got up at five in the morning every single day. Then he would go out and sprinkle white powder on the rodes.
Finally a little girl approached the man and said, “What is that you are sprinkling on the roads?”
“Its elephant repellent,” said the old man.
“But everybody knows there are no elephants in France!” said the little girl.
The old man shrugged his shoulder and said, “I guess it must be working then!
3-21-17 No School
3-22-17 Phunny Stuph: Lily's Little Goldfish
Little Lily was in the garden filling in a whole when he neighbor looked over the fence. He politely asked, “What are you doing Lily?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Lily tearfully. “I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Lily patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your dumb cat.”
3-23-17 How do you find out what you need to know? (5 sentences)
3-24-17 I will survive... (5 sentences)
3-27-17 Phunny Stuph: Floating a Loan
A banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat. The friend grabed a life preservewr held it up not knowing if the banker could swim and shouted, “Can you float alone?” “Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a hack of a time to talk business!”
3-28-17 What is your favorite fairy tale? (5 sentences)
3-29-17 Phunny Stuph: Conversation with a Police Officer
An elementary school class went on a field trip to the police station. The Officer pointed to one of the pictures on the “Ten Most Wanted” poster and told the students, “that is the most wanted fugitive in the entire united states.” One student asked. “He is the most wanted in the entire united states?”
The Officer says, “Yes.”
The student looked at him. Shaking his head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture then?”
3-30-17 Who is your best friend? (5 sentences)
3-31-17 We had traveled so far... (5 sentences)
4-3-17 Phunny Stuph Quiz #2
4-4-17 Have you had to do something morally difficult? (5 sentences)
4-5-17 Phunny Stuph: Catching Chickens
The farmers son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens. All of the sudden the box fell, and broke open. Alot of chickens scurried off in all directions. However the determined boy fixed the crate and walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the birds Hoping he had found them all the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. “Dad the chicken’s got lose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them”.
“you did very well,” the farmer smiled. “You left with seven.”
4-6-17 Could you put down your own pet? (5 sentences)
4-7-17 There were rows of crops for miles... (5 sentences)
4-10-17 What is the hardest decision you have had to make? (5 sentences)
4-11-17 Phunny Stuph: Chocolate Covered Peanuts
Scott went to visit his aunt in the hospital, he found her taking a nap. He sat down in a chair in her room, flipped threw a few magazines, and munched on sum peanuts in a bowl on the table. Eventualy the aunt woke up, her nephew realized he had absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m sorry, aunt elizabeth,” he said. “I see I’ve eaten all of your peanuts.” “That’s okay Scott,” the aunt replied. “After Ive sucked the chocolate off, I don’t like them much anyway.”
4-12-17 Phunny Stuph: Japanese Banking Crisis
According to inside contacts there is no relief in sight for the recent Japanese banking crisis. If anything, its getting worse. Following las week’s new that Origami Bank folded, newspapers reported that Sumo Bank has now gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank have nose-dived, and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank. Staff members their fear they may get a raw deal.
4-13-17 What will you do to make a living? (5 sentences)
4-14-17 The gunshot echoed through the hills... (5 sentences)
4-24-17 Phunny Stuph: Eating Caterpillars
“Daddy are caterpillars good to eat” asked little Emily.
“I told you not to mention such things during meals. Now eat your dinner” said her Father.
Emily’s Mother was a bit more patient. “Why did you ask that Emily,” she asked.
“Its because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce,” Emily said. “Now its gone.”
4-25-17 What is the "American Dream?" (5 sentences)
4-26-17 Phunny Stuph: Frozen Turkeys
A woman picking through the frozen turkeys’ at the grocery store. Couldn’t find one big enough for her family of eight. She asks a stock boy, “Do those turkey’s get any bigger” The stock boy replied, “No, ma’am. Their dead.”
4-27-17 What is your favorite sport? (5 sentences)
4-28-17 Strike! (5 sentences)
5-1-17 PHUNNY STUPH QUIZ #3
5-2-17 Have you seen something that you shouldn't have? (5 sentences)
5-3-17 Phunny Stuph: Listening to Father
A minister walking down a country lane sees a young farmer. Struggling to load hay back onto a cart. “You look hot, my son” said the minister. “Rest a moment and let me give you a hand.”
“No thanks.” Said the young man. “My father wouldn’t like it.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind,” the minister said. “Everyone is entitled to a brake. Come and have a drink of water.” Again the young man said that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the minister said, “You’re father must be a real slave driver. I’d like to give him a peace of my mind. Tell me where I can find him!” “Well,” replied the young farmer, “Look down. He’s under the load of hay.”
5-4-17 What is your favorite color of paint? (5 sentences)
5-5-17 I ducked as he looked my way... (5 sentences)
5-8-17 The ideal life is... (5 sentences)
5-9-17 Phunny Stuph: Emotional Extremes
Some future psychiatrists were attending there first class on human emotions. The professor turned to ta student from Oregon. “What is the opposite of joy?” He asked.
“Sadness,” said the student.
“What is the opposite of depression” he asked a student from new york.
“Elation,” she said.
He turned to a student from Texas. “What is the opposite of woe?” he asked. The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
5-10-17 Phunny Stuph: Trusted Employee
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones. I understand he is a tried and trusted employee of your.” The Banker goes, “Yes he certainly was trusted, and he will be tried-as soon as we catch him.”
5-11-17 Summer... (5 sentences)
5-12-17 Foul ball... (5 sentences)
5-15-17 Phunny Stuph: Turtle
A little turtle began to climb a tree. It took him alot of time, but he finaly reached the top. He jumps into the air with excitement and then crashed to the ground. After catching his breathe he slowely climbed the tree again, jumped in the air, and fell to the ground.
The turtle repeated the same thing over and over again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched. Finaly, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she said, “I think it may be time to tell him hes adopted.”
5-16-17 What is your dream career? (5 sentences)
5-17-17 Phunny Stuph: Poor Baby Bear
A family of bears wound up in family court because of a divorce. Mama and Papa Bear were splitting up, and Baby Bear had to decide who he was going to live with.
The Judge asked, “Would you like to live with your father.”
“Oh, no” said Baby Bear. “He beats me terribly.”
“We can’t have that, said the Judge. Let’s have you live with your mama then. “No way!” cried Baby Bear. “She beats me even worse then Papa!”
The judge was quite distressed. “You have to live with someone. Are there any relatives you would like to stay with.”
“Yes, I’d like to live with my aunt Ethel Bear who lives in Chicago.”
“Are you sure she will treat you well and not beat you?” “Definitely,” said baby bear. “The Chicago Bears never beat anybody.”
5-18-17 Do you have a peculiarity? (5 sentences)
5-19-17 I will solve the case... (5 sentences)